Transformers 3 Review

Transformers3It’s officially summer, which means the big summer blockbusters are now free to wreak their havoc on the box office numbers and appeal to the masses of moviegoers. Last night I watched one such movie, the somewhat anticipated Transformers 3, directed by Michael Bay and starring Shia LaBeouf and Rosie Huntington-Whiteley.

I’m just going to come right out and say that I did not like this film. In fact, I abhorred it. I have not disliked a movie with such a passion in a LONG time and I considered more than once during it’s ridiculous 2.5+ hour runtime leaving and getting my money back, considering the brain cells I lost en route collateral damage. Mild spoilers ahead.

Now that the air’s been cleared a bit, I can relay the few things I did like! I like the whole concept of the space race being triggered by what is found to be an Autobot collision on the moon and the entire moon landing sequence was to investigate said event. I LOVED the Buzz Aldrin cameo, an appropriate nod to a real-life hero. The integration of the various military teams (i.e. Air Force, Navy SEALS, Army, etc) during the pivotal showdown scenes was pretty awesome; for ONCE the military is an asset in an action film and not portrayed as roadblocks to the heroes! Dutch the hacker was a fun little comic relief and Optimus Prime was a badass, hand down.

Everything else sucked. Okay, the special effects, the CGI, the action sequences didn’t, but I’m sorry if I want my action movies to have more going for them than cool computer effects. The complete lack of any characterization was pathetic – OH WAIT. They did try to give Sam Witwicky some personality – too bad it was by making him act like a whiny, wittle boy who wasn’t getting enough attention from mommy (read: the government) and doesn’t understand why he can’t get hired when he’s a complete imbecile of a person. Yeah.

Other things I didn’t like were the fact that the movie was about 2 hours too long, the random and completely unnecessary slo-mo shots of the girl, the cheesy soundtrack (though the score was pretty good), and the complete and utter disregard for physics. Yes, they try to justify it with a line about how Autobot technology defies human laws of physics, but since it was humans breaking the laws of physics, the statement didn’t apply.

Le sigh. Here’s hoping the other big blockbuster movies of the summer aren’t such epic fails.

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